Random Musings

yarns..

May 21, 2008

life’s a bitch. and then you die. :p

ok, so finally am learning to accept the terms (yet, again). moving on, guess it’s all alright now. for the best i suppose. yeah, for the best. it’ll all go away soon… soon… how soon is soon? i don’t know, just soon.

am stubborn, even to myself. when i tell myself i shouldn’t do something, there’s an uncontrollable itch for me to do it again. haha!

ok, so why in the world are my friends getting married??? why in the world are they all dying to have babies?

here’s what i think – why would i get married if am at my prime age? i mean, am free. i can do anything. no responsibilities. [don’t get me wrong though, it would be nice to have a boyfriend at this point haha!] but marriage????? tying the knot? it’s like a dead-end…. you’ll be stuck to that person forever, which i don’t think am capable of doing at this point. not that i want to date around, but it’s one big leap for me. besides, am too young to get married. 24-young.

and babies??????? wtf? my flatmate just gave birth to her firstborn daughter. the baby’s just a few weeks old. everybody in our flat are all googling at the baby except for yours truly. the baby can’t even see us just yet, she’s not responding to their oooohhhhssss and aaaaahhhhhssss, so why bother? i told my flatmate i’ll join the rest of them when the baby’s finally smiling back at you. but so far, as of this moment – when all the baby can do is sleep, drink milk, pee and poop – you all won’t be seeing me around her. and the baby’s too frail. it’s too scary to touch her. so, no babies for me now. i’ll be the worst mother in the world as of this moment.

i want to travel without asking for a bassinet seat on the plane. haha! i want to travel without carrying diapers, milk bottles and whatnots with me all around. i want to travel without having to deal with a 2yr old tantrums. [believe me, i have too much tantrums to deal with myself… i don’t think i can handle another person’s]

i want to go out with my friends at night without spilling breast milk all over my dress. haha! i want to have a good weekend which doesn’t include changing diapers in the middle of the night. i want to go to the mall to buy things for myself, not for the baby. i want to have a good night sleep without waking up to a  baby’s crying. i want to splurge on things for myself [not that i have much to splurge but you know what i mean].

am single, fabolous and selfish. yes, am selfish – and am allowed to be, right? quarter-life is the right time to be selfish. i do have savings though, just to make it clear. but am not going to spend it anytime soon for a wedding dress or a baby’s diaper. no way!!!! maybe in 5yrs time, when am all ready to be unselfish. :p

i was with alex earlier, singing at the top of my lungs inside his car along sheikh zayed road. love songs for all the loves i’ve had – unrequitted or not. hahahahaha! but seriously though, i’ve only been in love once. fell in and out of it. the rest, i shall call – ALMOST…. hahahaha! am such a dork. so for the last ALMOST, here’s a song for you:

Tell me
Just what you want me to be
One kiss
And boom youre the only one for me
So please tell me
Why dont you come around no more?
Cause right now
Im crying outside the door of your candy store

right, am off to la la land…

Love,

The dork

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