Random Musings

The Plan

May 6, 2009

I was on my way to my ballet class when I saw my mom heading towards the same direction and I asked her where she’s going? she told me that she wants to see me dance before she goes to the US. my heart lept with excitement at the thought of my mom watching me dance, so i ran ahead of her and got to the ballet studio panting but was very eager to start the class and impress my mom. i grabbed the nearest ballet classmate i can grab and whispered in her ear, “there’s my mom” and pointed towards my mom who was at that time sitting at the staircase opposite the studio. my classmate told me “your mom is pretty” and i beamed with pride. yes, my mom is very pretty and well, i always take pride of showing her off to my friends coz unlike the other mothers i see when i was a child, my own mom is oozing with grace, class and well, pretty face. (and i am exactly like her haha!)

a few days after that, my mom had to go to the greener pasture of the united states of america. i was too young to understand what was going on that i did not even cry when she kissed me goodbye and was too busy trying to figure out how to peel off the “santol” that i was holding. i never realized how serious the situation is until my oldest sister slammed the door in front of me when i asked her to peel off the santol for me just after my mom left. i asked myself then – why is my sister being her grumpy self, when my mom is obviously coming back like what she told me… i assured myself that she’s coming back.

after 17years, she never did…

i had my first ballet recital at the Cultural Center of the Philippines, and my mom was not around to see me dance…

17 birthdays, christmases, new years, summer vacations – without my mom.

it was only when i was in college that i started longing for her, but don’t get me wrong… i was never neglected. phone calls, letters and now emails and chat are what connects us. the yearly packages (which until now has not stopped) and the monthly allowance (unfortunately, this had to stop… :p) are the ways my mom shows me that she cares – from afar.

17 years is too much, isn’t it? so when my mom reassured me the other night that we will meet this year, whatever it takes and wherever it takes us, i somehow had that fleeting feeling that this will be the best year of my life. well, it’s been a great 2 years already but 2009 will just top all the other years off if the plan will push thru….

after 17 years…… i will be hugging and kissing my mom once again and probably ask her to peel off my santol??? 🙂 can’t wait!!!!!

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