My life for the past few days’ been crazy and I mean sh*tload of CRAZY! It all started when I woke up one morning and decided that I wanted to help the victims of Yolanda typhoon in the Philippines. From that moment on, my life has been all sorts of winding roads and I felt like I’ve been running around like a headless chicken in the city. This past month literally drove me crazy giving me both high and low moments in such a short period of time. It all started with the high’s:
A few days prior to the charity event that I have organized, I received an email from someone asking me if I’d like to join an Istanbul tour. I thought at first it was a SPAM email but then I realized that I was addressed as “PINAY” on the letter – which basically means that the sender knew me from the blog. I was having lunch at work when I received the email and I got so excited about it that I kind of squealed like a little girl in front of my manager. My manager asked what was it about and I told her about the email. She was quick to check our roster and told me that she can give me some days off to go for the trip but then I realized that the trip falls on the day of my charity event. Without hesitation, I immediately replied back to the sender that I am unable to join the tour. Funny thing was, I didn’t feel any regret after that. I figured then that the choice was a no-brainer and that being in the charity event will make me happier than going on an all-expense paid trip to the city of Istanbul which in fact is in my bucket list. Istanbul will always be there for me to explore but the personal commitment I have made for the victims of Yolanda is far more important for me.
After that, I got another good news – my manager wants to send me to Kenya for a business trip 2 weeks after the charity event – a Masai Mara safari to be exact which again is in my bucket list. Working in the travel industry, we usually get these kinds of things so we’ll be able to experience what we’re selling. Again, I got all giddy and excited and I started imagining the trip – oooohhh the photos that I will take, the luxury lodges that I will stay in, the safari activities that I will do (hot air balloon ride over the safari, YAY!), the exotic food that I will eat – and all these things for free! I thought at that point that it’s karma’s way of telling me that I am on the right track – I gave up a trip for something which is far more important for me and I was gifted by something much more better in return. Yippee!
Then the charity event happened which made me on a high again – extreme high. Seeing all those people who came for a good cause made me feel good. My friends volunteered and we had a great time at the event even if it was a whole day thing. We were tired of course but we all didn’t feel it until we all got home. I was dead beat and slept like a baby until afternoon the next day. I never sleep past 9am even on weekends so just imagine how tired it made me.
The very next day of the charity event, something bad happened – I never knew then that it’s only the start of my life going downhill. I thought I was going to lose someone I dearly love. I am unable to divulge the details as it’s too personal to write about it, only 3 people knew what was going on – apart from myself. I felt so down and so low that I was unable to eat anything at all that full day. On top of all that, I still have to do some things for the event that I just organized (sending the donation boxes to the Philippines) so I was switching my mood to being well and being sad for that day just to get by. Still, I haven’t forgotten the commitment I’ve made to the victims of the typhoon.
Then just like it wasn’t yet enough, two days after that “sad” day I got news from home about my father’s health. This on top of the other issue that I was dealing with broke me down. I was depressed for 3 days, without having the urge to eat or do anything at all. Getting an off for most of those days didn’t help either as the sadness looming over me just gets heightened when I am alone and it depressed me even more. Again, only 3 people knew what was going on and I am forever grateful that they were all checking on me from time to time. No, I am not suicidal, I’m not that crazy but it is nice to hear some good and encouraging words from people who matter to me at the lowest point in my life since I’ve arrived in Dubai. At some point, I was feeling so helpless that I doubted karma itself and I asked my friend “Why is this happening to me? I’m supposed to get good things for the good deed that I just did right?” and to which my friend’s reply was “Don’t think like that. You gave and you helped. Keep it at that”. She’s absolutely right. I wasn’t really expecting something extremely good will happen to me after the event but then can you really blame me for thinking that way at that time? When I heard the news about my father, I have decided not to go to the Kenya safari anymore. It just doesn’t feel right for me to go on a trip while my father is going thru something. Somehow, I figured that I won’t be able to enjoy it and my decision somehow made me feel better as well.
After all the hoobalous – work load took atoll of me. For some strange reasons, I’ve managed to focus on my work and it made me feel like I’m back on track once again. I do feel bad still but I was no longer focusing all my energy on being sad anymore. Life will go on and being depressed about things won’t help you. It’s ok to be sad from time to time, I’m human after all but I can’t let those affect me so greatly as life does go on – whether you are happy or not.
Going through all those, I realized that I’ve got my priorities straight and that I’m not leading a meaningless life. I thought that my one true love is traveling but I realized that I am able to give it up for things which matter more to me. I value my family more than anything else, I am capable of doing good things for others even if it seemed an impossible task in the beginning and I have chosen the right people to be my friends who will be there for me to support me when all hell’s broken lose.
They say things happen for a reason and all the ups and downs that I’ve gone thru for the past few days somehow made me realize that I must always keep things in perspective. Look at the whole picture and see all the things that I am going through in its proper proportion to everything else. It was a test and I’ve passed it with flying colors. 🙂