Random Musings

Is marriage the new dating???

October 14, 2009

this idea came with a big bang on my head this morning when i received an email from a friend who we will call “Uncle Fred” telling me that he’s getting married. i have no qualms about that, in fact i was so happy to read that subject line on the email that i was already dialling his number on my phone before the email even opened up. i was just curious to know who this lucky girl is because i have not heard anyone he’s dating “seriously” for only God knows how long. probably he’s been keeping it a secret? but when i read the first few sentences on his email i suddenly stopped the call and focused my eyes on every single word that i just read:

it’s the funniest story ‘coz i met her at myspace and we’ve been chatting for about 4 months now. we finally decided to meet and god.. she’s gorgeous. we’ve been dating since then, about 8 months now…

did he just wrote 8 months???? and did i just read myspace???? the online hook up site??? i had to reread that part again and again and when i finally figured out that the words written there were not changing i just stared at it until it became all but a blur…

8 MONTHS?????? how can you know and love someone if you’ve been together for just 8 months???? i mean is knowing someone in a span of 8 months even possible???? alright, you may say that the consistency of my cynicism about marriage and all this love craps is too much but don’t you think that it’s just a totally stupid thing to do?

so i replied to my friend and told him to hold his horses and think everything thru and to never make any decisions at the height of his emotions (that’s a golden rule for me). alright he may be all lovey dovey in love with this girl right now and it will last for about 2 years but that’s normal. the first 2 years of a relationship are always the best ones, after that comes the real thing…

anyway, am just really surprised and appalled by this news. it would have been easier for me to accept if he told me that he got married to a stripper while in Vegas at least i could have blamed the alcohol and the roullette (sp.??) table for it.

the friend called me up after my outburst and this was how our conversation pratically went:

Uncle Fred: i don’t think time has anything to do with this. i feel that she’s right for me and even if i wait 2 years from now to get married then i’d just be 2 years older, not wiser. so why the hell not do it now?

Mimi: it’s KNOWING the person that you’re getting married to. am not talking about time or whatever, it’s the mere act of knowing the person who you’re going to spend the rest of your life with…

Uncle Fred: i know that we both make each other happy… and i know her enough to make me want to marry her

Mimi: you are delusional! of course you’re happy now because it’s that point in time when you feel like everything is falling into place blah blah blah sort of thing. but you are delusional!!! call alex on another line, start a conference with him…

tut tut tut..

Alex: what’s up?

MiMi: alex, uncle fred is getting married…

Alex: what???? to whom???

Mimi: to some girl he met on myspace 8 freaking months ago…

Alex: myspace????? 8 months???? have you been taking drugs Uncle fred?

MiMi: see????? i have a point right???? i told him he’s delusional.

Alex: maybe smitten

Uncle Fred: hey bugger. how’s you?

— then they talked about football and totally forgot the topic in hand.

anyway, there are lots of divorces going on around in the world today and am totally against it. that’s why marriage for me is something which must be thought through not a thing that you would suddenly do whenever you feel like it. not an inevitable result of a long term relationship. not the next step when you get knocked up and most definitely not something you would do with someone who you barely know.

i will have to quote this from the book of Pamela Paul (quoted by another common friend with the delusional Uncle Fred). the title of the book is: The Starter Marriage and the Future of Matrimony. (Starter marriage defined as being married for less than 5 years with no kids and divorced under 35). As per the book, most of the couples who fell into such kind of marriage were:

* People who’d been dating awhile, cared about each other, and just really didn’t want to break up—until after they were legally bound to one another, that is.

* People who needed to wear the dress and take pictures before Grandma bit it.

* People who felt they were some sort of “power couple” and were swept up in the feeling of being stronger together than apart.

* People who needed to escape from their parents/families, either financially or emotionally.

how pathetic can it be? or am i just really bitter because am not the one getting married??? hahaha. well, i am proud to say that i have declined two (not just one, but two) marriage proposals this year because it’s not the right thing to do. i was happy with the two proposers (invented this word just now..) but they’re asking me for the wrong reasons.

the first proposer wanted to get married because that’s the only way i can be with him (we’re miles apart and long distance relationship sucks). i would have said “yes” instantly if not for the fact that i’ve known the guy for roughly 7 months when he popped the question. so that was the time when i realized that am not totally and outrageously crazy after all.

the second proposer was on a mission and that mission is to bring back home a mother to his really very cute daughter. it freaked me out. marriage + daughter = instant family, which is not really my thing.

anyway, to end this blog which is totally chaotic… i am not against my friend getting married. i am against the fact that he’s getting married to someone he barely knows… and that includes the girl’s stepmother’s name… wtf???

speed dating is out, speed wedding is in.

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