Random Musings

Fart: The new way to measure how deep your relationship is.

June 9, 2011

Up until this point in time, I’m still not really sure how in the world I became friends with the people I’m friends with now. You see, I find it rather easier to get along with the opposite sex. I’m pretty sure that it’s because of the no frill, no backstabbing, no jealousy, no artsy fartsy way of getting on with your lives that made me more inclined to be friends with them. On top of all that, I get a man’s point of view in different aspects of life.

Let’s take the topic of tonight’s drinking session as a case in point: “What is the best way to measure a relationship?” Yes, they do talk about relationships, love and all those crap but in a very different approach. The answer to this question was a unanimous decision: FARTING – which I thought was absof*ckinglutely funny at first but found myself nodding along with the arguments laid by these gentlemen.

Stages of a relationship:

Stage 1: The silent bomb.

Both parties are still in that stage of impressing the other. Infatuations are most likely to occur on this stage. Both will pretend that there is no need for them to release an air-waste out of their system and if they do really have to, they’ll find a way somehow to excuse themselves and fart from a distance – too far to be heard and smelled.

Stage 2: The farting stage.

This is the stage where there is a deeper intimacy in a relationship. Both parties will find each other’s fart a laughing matter, sometimes even finds it cute and amusing. This stage can either lead to stage 3.A or 3.B as stated below:

Stage 3.A: True love.

Both parties are steadily comfortable with each other’s company that the fart loses its charm or power to embarrass the person releasing the fart. They are so comfortable at this stage that they can fart anywhere, anytime with no shame whatsoever. The fart now becomes a part of their daily lives like how it really is supposed to be and usually comes and goes with no recognition at this stage.

Stage 3.B: The break up.

One of the parties or sometimes both, finds the farting fiesta a disgusting and annoying habit. For some very few cases, farting is even used as a reason for a break-up.

So, which stage is your relationship in now?

Note: While this conversation was going on, I found myself laughing hysterically making my cheek-muscle ache and my tummy-muscles ache even more that I do believe I released a “fart”. A silent, unrecognizable one.

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