Random Musings


December 15, 2009

So a lot of people have expressed their sentiments on the previous post. They’re not really concerned about my health but are more concerned on “the boyfriend” issue on that blog. A lot of my friends have violent reactions and quite a few can understand why I did what I did.

Friends, family and lovers – your sentiments are duly noted. You may not agree with me but I have my reasons why I chose to be “silly”, “a martyr in love”, “delusional”, “bitten by a love bug”, “optimistic in a crazy way” etc. etc. But believe me, martyrdom is not my cup of tea and optimistic??? Me???? I am the word “pessimist” personified cloaked in an optimist’s coat. I pretend to be positive but in reality I worry too much about petty things. Bitten by a love bug? I sure am bitten by a bed bug, but love bug??? I don’t think so.

So, why did I choose to stay in a relationship which is headed to a cliff? I’m not a martyr… I’m not delusional in love… I’m not bitten by a love bug…. And I’m not crazy. I just know how to value time with people who makes me happy and are special to me.

Telling me to break-up with the guy because the relationship is not going anywhere anyway and I will be wasting my time and will in turn give me a harder time to move on after he leaves is like telling me to not be happy when my mother visited me here in Dubai because she will leave after one week anyway and I will in turn be very lonely again when she leaves.

Telling me that I should not waste too much time because I know that it will end soon anyway is like telling me that I should not have showed concern and love to a friend of mine who died of cancer when I was in college and knowing that she will die soon, we all have spent much of our time with her thru phone calls, chats, emails and mini-get together parties as we know that her time on earth is numbered. It’s like telling me that I have wasted my time with that friend who I know is going to die anyway.

Ok, so the boyfriend is not exactly family nor is he dying. But I am like this, with all the personal experiences I’ve had I learned how to value the people around me and the time I spend with them. You’ll know this if you’ve been a friend of mine for long. You’ll know how I usually bug my friends to meet me up for coffee, lunch, dinner, movies and the whatnots. I never forget people who made me laugh and truly cared for me. So with this, I know that I am happy when I’m with the boyfriend and I value him like how I value my friends. Life is too damn short for us to be unhappy. And if spending time with the boyfriend makes me happy, then it’s not going to be a waste of my time right?

I know myself and I know it will be hard for me to move on but I also know that I will be able to move on no matter what. So might as well just enjoy the time I have left with him and then do whatever needs to be done afterwards. Just be happy and not feel that dreaded feeling of asking myself the question “what if?” or worst, to tell myself the phrase “I should have…”.

Get me? No? Ok then you’re stupid, stop reading my blogs.

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