Random Musings

A Different (Worst/Funny) Experience of The Thai Massage

September 18, 2013

If you follow my Facebook page, you probably know by now that I am currently in Thailand and I’ve spent a few days in Bangkok which I really didn’t like (more on that on a different post). So to somehow change my views of the city and bring back the love that I HAD for it, I went to get a treat for myself. What better treat can I get aside from a Thai massage?

Photo by: landingstanding.com

Photo by: landingstanding.com

I am addicted to this type of massage which is really ironic because I have a very low threshold of pain and when you’re getting one, you’re practically being beaten up. I love it though because the masseuse usually stretch you and in the process of it, cracks your bones. I love cracking my knuckles (a habit the boyfriend hates) so I really am looking forward of getting one in Bangkok to have my spine cracked. A few months ago I had a problem with my back and went to a chiropractor to realign my spine and I have paid AED600 for that procedure. I was thinking the whole time that I could’ve gotten myself a Thai massage instead for AED100 because it’s basically the same thing. At least I think it is.

So anyway, off I went to a massage parlor since the one at the hotel was ridiculously expensive (THB1400 for 1 hour). Who were they kidding? It’s Bangkok! I can just walk around a few meters from the hotel and could find one, which I did. The massage parlor looked decent enough from the outside and there were a lot of couples going in and some people sitting on the lazy boy chairs at the ground floor having a foot massage. Plus the price was THB300 only for 1 hour so off I went in.

I was greeted by the Thai receptionist “Sawasdee kaaaaaaahhhh” to which I have responded the same way. She started speaking Thai to me and I had to cut her mid-sentence to let her know that I’m not Thai and I’ve no idea what she’s saying. I hate doing that. I think it’s really impolite of me but I think looking like a Thai but not really a Thai isn’t a crime though. I told her I would like to have a Thai massage and then she led me to one of the lazy boys and asked me to wait. An older woman came with a basin to wash my feet and as soon as she touched the sole of my feet she immediately exclaimed: “Whoa!!!!! Dry feet!!!!” Yes, I know that thank you very much for reminding me and being so blunt about it. Please make it louder because I don’t think the people having a massage next door was able to hear it. LOL. I have not had a pedicure nor a foot spa for a very long time because I hate it and after a lot of hiking and walking around Greece the previous 2 weeks with me just wearing flip flops, it made my feet even more dry.

She then lead me upstairs and asked me to change my clothes to the one that they have. It’s a lose and very comfortable pyjama-like shorts and top which will allow me to move freely – good for all the stretching that she’s about to give me. There was a man having a massage on the next curtain, I was hoping he didn’t choose a “happy ending” one as it will be really awkward for me to shut him up if he gets too excited. LOL. The lady doing my massage started with my feet and engaged me in a conversation:

Lady: Where are you from?
Me: Philippines
Lady: Oh hihihihi I thought you’re Thai hihihihi same same face hihihihi
Me: Yeah, same same but different
Lady: You married? hihihi
Me: No
Lady: Why? How old are you? hihihi
Me: 29
Lady: Ahhh 29, you should marry. What about boyfriend? hihihi
Me: No (I didn’t want her to ask any other questions at this point so I just said no but it didn’t stop her)
Lady: Ohhh why not?
Me: I don’t know
Lady: You like falang? hihihi
Me: I like what?
Lady: Falang
Me: (then I remembered in Thailand, they call the caucasians “Farang”) Ah! No. (still the answer didn’t stop her)
Lady: Why not? They nice and rich. hihihi

I was holding my laughter after that last statement and didn’t respond anymore and I swear she was laughing the whole time she was talking to me. She then stopped asking questions and started talking to the lady giving the guy on the other side of the curtain a massage. They were talking like it’s the most normal thing that they can do while giving a client a massage which really fascinated me. At some point, she opened the curtain which divides my bed and the guy’s bed just so she can talk to her more appropriately. I swear it happened! She then started massaging my thighs and I really am ticklish on that area. I was holding my breathe so that I won’t laugh but I didn’t know that in the process of it my face was doing a wince as well like I was in pain. So the lady asked me if it’s painful, I said no but it’s ticklish. She didn’t understand the word “ticklish” so I started acting it out the best way I can – scratch my armpit and make a laughing sound. The lady didn’t get it either and just looked at me like I suddenly grew an antenna out of my head or something and started speaking Thai again to the lady on the other side of the curtain. I bet she told her that I am a lunatic.

They went on and on and on, chatting with each other. At some point, I felt like I was disturbing them and that I should just leave and let them be. They were talking about me as well and they did not hide it from me. I don’t speak Thai but the other lady must have asked my lady where I’m from because my lady said “Filipina”. It might be a coincidence but right after she said it she then turned her head to me and said: Filipina, right??? LOL

While she was stretching my legs, she got really surprised that my legs can go all the way to my head easily (used to dance ballet). She was very amused that she showed my talent to the other lady who gave me an applause. She did it several more times which I think she just did for her own amusement – nothing to do with the Thai massage. It happened again while I was sitting cross-legged on the bed and she was stretching my back. She pushed me down forward and my whole upper body was flat on the bed. She again was amused by it and shared this fantastic talent of mine to the other lady who again clapped. LOL.

The whole process was not very pleasant as she gave me a very hard massage. I told her several times to make it softer but I’m not really sure if she understood me or she just ignored me or she’s just very busy chatting to be bothered by me. So technically, I really got beaten up. Nonetheless, I still felt great after the massage. The end justified the means I guess plus I’ve paid THB300 only. YAY!

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12 Comments

  • Reply Thoughts on Bangkok and Our Muay Thai Experience | Pinay Flying High November 11, 2013 at 08:29

    […] people who we never had the problem of haggling with were the food vendors and the people at the massage parlor that I went to one night. It is very tiring to always haggle with them and somehow affects your mood as a tourist and […]

  • Reply Jessie September 25, 2013 at 03:44

    Loved this story! I think everyone who gets a Thai massage is in for an adventure, you never know what’s going to happen. I too am really ticklish and it confused the lady enormously lol.

    • Reply Pinay Flying High September 25, 2013 at 08:21

      I never get tickled with any other type of massage apart from Thai massage but I still prefer it. LOL.

  • Reply Nina Aribon September 24, 2013 at 18:03

    I was in Thailand last week too and I just came back to Dubai yesterday. If ever you find yourself in Sukhumvit area, check out Baan Thai and ask for Jum. She gave such a good massage that I had to take down her name. I went there twice (both really good) but Jum made my bones crack which was just glorious. Plus, they the massage is only for THB250. Not to mention, the place is really cozy and their free tea after the massage is really good too.

    PS. I love reading your blog! 🙂

    • Reply Pinay Flying High September 24, 2013 at 21:16

      Hey Nina, Thank you for the tip. She must’ve done really great with the massage and I envy you. LOL. Maybe next time IF I got back to Bangkok and that was a cheap massage! 🙂

      Thank you for reading the blog. 😉

  • Reply con jamón spain September 19, 2013 at 16:57

    S is yet to comment but for me (M), it’s always been giggles, screaming and no happy ending!

    • Reply Pinay Flying High September 19, 2013 at 17:53

      Hahahaha. Sounds very much like how I was – giggles, screaming and most definitely no happy ending. :p LOOOL

  • Reply Mitzie Mee September 19, 2013 at 05:44

    Those Thai massages can be rough! When I travel in Thailand, they don’t think I’m Thai, but they don’t believe that I’m Danish either (which I in fact am, I was adopted from Korea, when I was 3 month old). Very difficult to explain…

    • Reply Pinay Flying High September 19, 2013 at 11:21

      Lol. A Thai friend of mine who grew up in the US has the same problem. They don’t want to believe that she’s American but when she says she’s Thai, they don’t like it as well that she don’t speak Thai. :-p

      Back in Bangkok, will try the salty dog? The drink that you’ve been drinking here? 🙂

      • Reply Mitzie Mee September 19, 2013 at 11:46

        Yes, at Long Table. Even though the view is not as great as the one from Sky Bar (at Lebua), I liked the ambience (and the drinks) better at long Table.

  • Reply Aleah | SolitaryWanderer.com September 18, 2013 at 13:17

    I really love Thai massages. When I went to Thailand for the first time, I was excited to go inside a massage parlor, thinking it would be loads better than in the Philippines. It was so disappointing! They’re so noisy, they talk all the time, and yeah, you can’t really tell them to go harder or softer because they don’t understand. My fave massage of all time is still the ones we have in the Phils.

    • Reply Pinay Flying High September 18, 2013 at 13:51

      I couldn’t agree more. I think we take these massages more seriously in the Philippines.

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